Formal Introductory Letter
Dear Professor Blackstone,
I am Abdul Syahmi, a first year student currently undertaking your Critical Thinking and Communication class. I would like to introduce myself, in hopes of you getting to know me better.
My interest in engineering piqued in secondary school when I studied Design and Technology (D&T), where I learnt various ideation and research methods. It also provides hands-on lessons, where I picked up skills like soldering and used workshop machinery like the lathe machine.
My performance in 'O' Level D&T and physics, together with my curiosity of how technology works, spurred me to pursue a diploma in Computer Engineering at Singapore Polytechnic. I had plenty of time to think about my future during my 2 years of national service in the army and concluded that I should broaden my skillset and explore a new area of engineering, which is why I am now studying Mechanical Design and Manufacturing Engineering at SIT.
As the 3rd-in-command (3IC) of my section in the infantry, I am able to give commands and instructions clearly, without missing out on any important details. Even though that is the job of the 2IC, I have to step up and take charge whenever he is not around or occupied with other matters. Hence, I have to be clear and concise in relaying his messages to my section, be it in camp during admin time or in the battlefield during our exercises. However, these only apply to small groups.
The problem arises when I speak to a larger group during presentations. As an introvert, I get anxious easily when I talk to a large group, especially one that is full of people I do not know well. Because of this anxiety, I tend to stutter and pause between phrases. It can even get as bad as forgetting everything that I planned to talk about during a presentation.
Therefore, through your classes, I hope that I can gain more confidence in speaking to a bigger audience. This is crucial when we enter the workforce because our jobs may require us to present our work to the general public. I would also like to improve my presentation skills, by making it more engaging and structured.
I believe in the phrase "Hard work beats natural talent when natural talent does not work hard enough". I may be a fast learner due to my natural ability of quickly absorbing information but when that is not good enough, my attention to detail will keep me going.
I hope you have gained a better understanding of me and I look forward to your upcoming lessons.
Best regards,
Abdul Syahmi
Good work Syahmi! just a little bit of grammatical errors here and there but all points were well established. <3
ReplyDeleteBesides that, your introductory letter is well-structured and effectively communicates your background, interests, and the specific challenges you hope to address in this UCS class.
DeleteHowever, i feel that you could use more examples to further amplify your points when you mentioned you were a 3IC back in your infantry days. Examples will further support your points and make them more eye-catching in the letter.
Thank you!
Best Regards
SiewH
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi Syahmi,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all the experiences you have went thru as well as the knowledge that you have gain is pretty interesting and im glad that I can get to know you more from this passage.
I think its important for us especially engineers to know and learn from our mistakes and be able to improve on them.
One feedback i have is maybe SIT can be expanded and explained what it is as some people might not know.
But overall good essay and I hope we can get to know each other better.
Regards,
Royce
Dear Syahmi,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing so much in this well developed and informative letter. You address the key components of the assignment and provide interesting details that put light on who you are and your values. I really appreciate learning, for instance, about your time in NS and how that experience as impacted your skills development.
You also do a good job explaining various comm skills and the elaborating on your needs. We'll certainly work on the goals you mention.
I espcially appreciate you mentioning the statement: "Hard work beats natural talent when natural talent does not work hard enough."
In terms of language use, this is a fluent post, but there are a few minor issues that need review:
1. overuse of caps
-- your Critical Thinking and Communication class. > our critical thinking and communicating class.
2. verb tenses (in the second paragraph in particular)
-- For example: As the 3rd-in-command (3IC) of my section in the infantry, I am able to give commands and instructions clearly, without missing out on any important details. >
As the 3rd-in-command (3IC) of my section in the infantry, I was able to give commands and instructions clearly, without missing out on any important details.
---- and others
There is a tense called historical present, but I don;t feel it's appropriate in this letter.
I look forward to learning more about you this term.
Cheers,
Brad